rubber sheets: not just for orgies

I am almost 34 weeks pregnant: the baby’s room is done, the classes are over and the books have been read. The only thing left is to start planning for the actual birthing of the dear child. I’ve been thinking (agonizing) a lot about how our little angel will make her glorious (and likely wet and unpleasant) debut into this world.

One awkward thing that happens when you’re about to have a baby is that the fetid bag of 40 week old water your spawn has been swimming around and peeing in breaks all over whatever happens to be beneath you– in most cases, the bed.

To that end, my husband suggested we might want to buy a waterproof mattress cover, lest the pint or so of baby water ruin our mattress forever. Because even if you can get the smell out, you’ll always know what happened there.

(Frank Costanza: “The very idea, you had me lying in urine!”)

I figured, why not! One for the baby, and one for me! And, between all the compulsive eating and the parading around in my colossal bathing suit at the Y, I’ve pretty much surrendered all my dignity anyway. (I expect to lose what little of it remains on the floor of the delivery room.)

I like to call it a rubber sheet, but it’s not rubber, really. It’s just a fitted cover with a soft, vinyl layer that kind of reminds me of those Docker’s stain defender pants?

I hear it actually pulls moisture away from you.

[image source]

I haven’t actually tried it out yet, but I imagine if it’s worth anything, it will just make the water bead on top, rather than soak through to the mattress below. If I were more ambitious, I’d do a test with some of that blue water they use on maxi pad commercials and then take pictures for the blog. (Come to think of it, I probably should have just emailed the mattress pad company and demanded a free one in exchange for a review.) But you’ll just have to wait and see. If my water does break all over the mattress, I will be sure to report back.

Next week: I’ll review those awkward bras with the nipple holes. Stay tuned!