I don’t usually take pictures of my food. I used to, back in the day. But then I realized that taking pictures of beer is way more interesting, and less weird.
Seriously. Telling someone you take pictures of everything you eat will most certainly get you that sympathetic head-tilt as the person you are speaking with realizes you have some serious issues.
But telling someone you blog about beer prompts a story about how they have this rad microbrewery in the town where they grew up. (Or how they barfed after drinking 16 Blue Moons at their cousin’s wedding. But usually it’s the former.)
But yesterday, I created such a masterpiece, I just had to share it with you people.
Don’t you hate it when you see a picture of someone’s salad and it has like, four pieces of lettuce, a baby carrot, a little drizzle of oil and a tomato wedge? Me too.
Forgive me for ripping off the worst movie ever, but: that’s not a salad.
This? Is a salad:
See how you can barely detect any lettuce? That’s on purpose. Rule #1: Use as little lettuce as possible.
Rule #2: Dressing. You should be able to stand a fork up in it. I like a combination of hummus and sriracha sauce.
Next, check out the chunks of meat on top, which brings us to rule #3: Burger should be one of your toppings. This time, I cheated and used a chipotle veggie patty, but real cow burger meat is always best.
Rule #4: Side items should include anything that wouldn’t logistically fit on of your salad, like bread.
Or meat balls.
And most importantly, rule #5: a lady always leaves a little something uneaten on her plate:
Read other installments of Food For Real People.
