territorial pissings

So I mentioned a while back how my kitty had a UTI that we were treating, and although I’ve received exactly zero emails or inquiries about her condition, I know you people are probably on the edge of your seats wondering how things are going with my cat’s urinary tract.


This blog has really gone downhill.

We took Skylar to the vet in February because we caught her peeing on the rug. She got a round of oral antibiotics, but it was still happening two weeks later (not ALL of the time, but a lot of the time). We took her back to the vet and she got an antibiotic injection (which was out of stock on our first visit), but she kept trying to pee on the rug. It got to the point where I was taking her to the litter box twice a day to keep her from doing it somewhere else. Don’t you love my blog?

After we ruled out any illness as the cause, we began treating it as a behavioral issue. And as a side note, I don’t know if she even had an infection to begin with because they didn’t take a sample before starting the antibiotics. She might have just started peeing on the rug because she hated us and got two superfluous rounds of antibiotics for her troubles. Either way, we talked to the vet about what else might be causing Skylar stress.


Just please don’t make me give up gluten.

If there’s anything I’ve learned from having cats, it’s that their behavioral issues are 99.9% caused by something YOU are doing wrong. We have two females, and they have had territory/dominance issues since the beginning. They’ve never actually hurt each other, but there’s been some hissing and chasing. Or Wrigley won’t let Skylar eat until Wrigley’s done. Or Skylar backs Wrigley into a corner. Or Wrigley wants Skylar OUT OF THE WINDOWSILL NOW. But other times, they’ll sleep next to each other on the bed. So while they’ll never be besties, there’s never been any cat-on-cat violence.

She’s behind me, isn’t she?

But we’re still treating this as an issue that reflects Skylar’s power struggle, and we’re trying to make our home more of a Jackson Galaxy-approved feline domicile. A crazy cat lady house.


The first thing we did was buy a second litter box. The ASPCA (and our vet) actually recommends one box for each cat AND one extra, but we’re holding off on the third box for now. We have one litter box in the laundry room and the other one in our bathroom, which thankfully is big enough that we’re not climbing over a litter box to get into the shower or stepping on granules of cat litter with wet, bare feet. Ew.

We also bought another cat scratcher tree/condo/thingy, and even though it’s large enough to accommodate at least three cats, they still fight over who gets to be on it.

You can't see me when I'm in my hidey.

You can’t see me when I’m in my hidey hole.

Our vet suggested we get some of that kitty behavior modification pheromone spray, but I didn’t expect it to actually do anything. When I showed it to my husband, he was like, “that sounds like bullshit. There’s probably just water in there.”

snake oil

And we’re just trying to spend more time paying attention to them. Skylar hasn’t peed on the rug in a while and I don’t have to take her to the litter box anymore, but I don’t want her to have a relapse when the new baby comes home and she’s not getting as many of my irresistible cuddles.


Anyway, so that’s what’s been going on with our cat. If we ever end up potty-training the toddler, I’ll be sure to write an unnecessarily long blog post about that too. 

I can't wait.

I can’t wait.

Any of you cat ladies have advice on raising two uppity females? What is the grossest thing your pet has ever done?

the third trimester fuckits

I’m throwing in the towel, you guys!

The morning after last Thursday’s run, I woke up with excruciating sciatic nerve pain from my right ass cheek all the way down to my calf, and it lasted two days. I could barely walk. I took four days off from running and two days off completely from life and then because I’m stupid I decided to try a little test run on Tuesday, just to make sure it wasn’t a fluke. I didn’t have the sciatic nerve pain but I only ran 2.5 miles (and by “ran” I mean a 5:1 run/walk at 10:45-11:45 pace) before I realized I wasn’t having any fun at all. I was just counting the seconds until my walk break. So yeah, I’m done.


I’m not upset though. (I’m writing a whole blog post about it, but not upset!) I hardly ran at all during my first pregnancy so I’m glad I was able to go as long as I did. Maybe it’s been beneficial to my health? I have no proof other than my own anecdotal evidence, but I’ve felt better and had more energy this time around, and I haven’t gained 50 pounds, which has made everyday activities a little more enjoyable. Whether that’s because of running, who knows. But it certainly hasn’t been my diet.


And I realize how absurd it would be to keep running just to meet some arbitrary goal that nobody gives a shit about but me, and to risk doing permanent damage to my ass and hips.

For now, I don’t yearn to be outside running. Yesterday I planned on doing some kind of workout but the decision to do jack shit instead was an incredibly easy one.

fat and lazy

I went swimming on Wednesday and although the chlorine did suck every ounce of moisture from my body just as I feared, the actual swimming part wasn’t too bad. My arms burned after just two laps, but I got warmed up and did 1000 yards without wanting to end my life.

facedown pool party

Also, I posted this on my blog the first time I was pregnant and NOBODY EVEN APPRECIATED IT SO I’M POSTING IT AGAIN:

maries baby


It took me nearly 20 minutes during my former REAL JOB to photoshop my face on there, so I think it’s worth one more attempt to solicit your praise and adoration. And if you can’t name that film, we can’t be friends anymore.

Oh, and here’s a selfie! A blurry one. 31 weeks, 6 days.

pregnancy selfie

#idonthaveasmartphone :(

unnoteworthy runs I’ve done recently

So last week we put the toddler in the car and drove to Missouri, on purpose.

road tripping with a toddler

I’m pretty busy right now, but I’ve penciled in a tantrum for 6:30.

I was going to write up like a big, fascinating travel report because it’s basically the only thing that happened last week and this is as close as we’re gonna to get to a beach vacation any time soon, but I’m not feeling all story-telly today so I thought I’d just talk about running some more. So if you came here hoping not to read another blog post about being pregnant and running…dumbass.

Last Thursday? I did a track workout!

LOLJKNO. But I did get to run really, really slowly around an actual track. It was soft and squishy and positively dreamy for my poor fat feet.

kardashian feet

I had to see this so I think you should have to see it too.

A few years ago I wrote a blog post about how I tried to find a damn track on my side of town that wasn’t locked up behind an 8 foot security fence. Seriously. What do they think people are going to do to an open field? Steal the bleachers? Joint sub-committee on the 50 fucking yard line? livin But in certain small towns in Missouri where it’s like 1959 and people don’t even lock their doors (or their meth trailers), the high school tracks are open to everyone.

Side note? Last time I went to Missouri, I ran on the Katy Trail, but the trail head is a good two miles or so from the house and I probably wouldn’t have made it home with my uterus still intact. And the track was only half a block away.

I didn’t take any selfies, but picture a 30-going-on-47-weeks pregnant chick waddling around in a shirt that’s too small and the wrong kind of sunglasses and smiling like a lunatic. That was me.

I had plans to run Friday, Saturday and Sunday but I didn’t. IDK gif After a lot of driving and some torrential rain and demoralizing high winds, I was finally able to do some running outdoors this week.

Monday I was on the fitness trail at my YMCA for 3.5 miles without even having to take a pee break.

I did it again on Tuesday, but I had to stop two miles in to run inside the gym, swipe my card, and waddle down a long hall to the locker room to relieve myself. It took almost five minutes and sort of killed my momentum but somehow I summoned the courage to go back outside and run another mile.  BooHoo Today I ran with the stroller, in 30 mph winds, which made me feel like I was pushing a station wagon. I quit early and I’m really proud of that decision because there’s probably nothing stupider than running with a jogging stroller when you’re 30 weeks pregnant. I ran so slowly I may as well have been walking, and I was exhausted before I even hit 3.0 miles. (LOL?)

The key to running (or any kind of working out, really) when you are pregnant is to quit while you’re ahead. The days that I’m like I feel great, I think I’ll just keep going! are they days that I end up with an achy butt and crotch. So I’ve learned to just do my 3-ish miles and STOP, no matter how incredible I might feel. giphy That’s all I’ve got for now!

Warning: I really want to do an update soon on our new baby’s room (it’s not a nursery okay? It’s a ROOM), but it’s not quite ready yet. I know most of you probably won’t give a shit but I’m going to do it anyway because I don’t do creative things that often and I’m proud of it and also because IT’S MY FUCKING BLOG.

Here’s a little teaser… IMG_8810 Other frivolous blog posts I have coming up:

  • 1000 words on what amniotic fluid smells like
  • Things I’ve added to shopping carts and never purchased
  • Why just the placenta? Other human organs I think we should encapsulate and eat
  • Metamucil: for happy assholes #unsponsored

Any requests? Because as you can see, I am really reaching here. All suggestions, no matter how obnoxious, offensive or even sincere, will be entertained.